I’ve been 100% open and honest about the challenges and less than pleasant parts of motherhood, so I felt it was only fair to be equally as transparent about the good stuff. I know, I know, you read all the flowery stuff on your Facebook newsfeed, but I mean there is a reason people continue to procreate.
If you’ve not read my other posts, the first few months were rough, and not in a normal newborn/first time mom kind of way. She had a tongue tie which made nursing all but impossible, we learned when she was around 4 months old that she has reflux, and she was, still is, a high needs baby. Everyone told us that it would get easier, that we would eventually wish that time would slow down. When she screamed all day and stayed up all night, I called those people liars (that’s the G-rated version of what I called them anyway) but they ended up being right.
My sweet Ellie is 7 months old now and despite all the hard times, I really do wish I could put time in slow motion because it’s all going by so quickly! I’ve grown to truly, madly, deeply love being her mother. Nothing else I do in life will ever be as meaningful as caring for and raising my tiny human, and I think that has finally started to sink in with me.
Everyone says that you can’t imagine the love you have for a child until you experience it for yourself, and while it’s a massive cliche, it’s completely true. I was drinking my morning coffee in her bedroom floor with her a few days ago, watching her play, and I was in awe of what her little hands were capable of doing. She has gone from being my 8lb 15oz newborn to being this inquisitive little creature who crawls and uses her tiny hands with impressive dexterity to turn the pages in her books and inspect whatever she can reach. She noticed me watching her, looked up at me and smiled before crawling up into my lap and jabbering.
She’s mastered dada and recently learned how to blow raspberries -she’s especially fond of the noise she can make by blowing onto hard surfaces which she thinks is hilarious- but the rest of the time she babbles like we’re having a conversation. Her little eyebrows furrow and raise as though she’s experiencing a thousand different emotions during her monologue, and I can’t wait for the day that we can have a real conversation. Nothing I’ve ever done has ever felt as fulfilling as raising her, especially when I have had the gift of watching her learn and grow over the last 7 months.
The world is still brand new to her and I get to experience everything through her eyes. She views everything with such wonder and excitement that I can’t help but marvel at her. The love I have for this child is too intense for words. I sneak into her room at night just to watch her sleep and, in the morning, I make a fool of myself just to see her laugh. Her eyes crinkle up, dimples form in her cheeks, her mouth opens wide enough to expose her two bottom teeth, and she buries her face in whatever is closest because she can’t control her laughter. And my heart swells. And I know that I’m doing something right because she’s thriving and happy, which makes me thriving and happy.
Ellie is beautiful and smart. She’s curious, funny, adventurous, bubbly, social, and sweet. She’s independent, sassy, and expressive. She’s a Texas-sized blessing in a petite little package, better than any baby I could’ve ever dreamed up, and God knew exactly what He was doing when he put us together.
She is a ton of work –a full time, unpaid, no days off or vacations ever, kind of job, but the benefits are worth it. I am the center of her entire world, and the smile she gives me over the edge of her crib when she wakes up in the morning lets me know it. I am her comfort, I am her life source, I am her caregiver. I’m a milk making, pattycaking, lullaby singing, bedtime story reading, peek-a-boo playing superwoman. I am Mama, hear me roar!